The players sat around the table, as the GM set up his reference shield and sorted his papers. Once everybody had settled down, he requested that they pass him a copy of their character sheets so he could begin the game.
DM: You are each standing in the church hall, the high priestess is there to greet you. ‘Welcome travelers, you have each been chosen by the gods to locate the sacred Orb of Zot. Chosen for your strength, Balfor, the…’ Frank, you were supposed to be the tank, why are you listed as a Monk?
Frank: You said I had to make a melee fighter, so I made a monk.
DM: You’re supposed to be the one taking hits!
Frank: I can dodge them
DM: MAYBE. IF you aren’t flat footed or- ok whatever, never mind. “You were chosen for your strength, Balfor, the monk. For your cunning, the gods have chosen you, Frier, the.. commoner?? Really Alan? A commoner?”
Alan: well really I’m a gambler.
DM: You were supposed to be a thief!
Alan: I am, I have loaded dice in my inventory and everything.
DM: Ok are you serious? How is that going to help the party?
Alan: By paying for equipment. that’s what a thief DOES.
DM: Uhg, whatever, it’s your character’s funeral. For your wisdom, the gods have chosen Greg- ok, hold on, Greg you aren’t supposed to put your own name on the sheet.
Greg: I’m bad with names.
DM: Then use a name generator! Its really not hard, it’s 20 seconds searching on google.
Greg: Well I’d rather use a name i can remember
DM: FINE GREG the… Evangelist?? DO I EVEN WANT TO KNOW??
Greg: You wanted me to be a priest.
DM: I WANTED YOU TO BE A CLERIC
Greg: And I am.
DM: YOU’RE MORE OF A THIEF THAN ALAN IS!!
Alan: He is not!
Greg: Why does it matter who I worship?
DM: YOU DIDN’T EVEN WRITE IN A DIETY!! YOU CAN’T GET ANY SPELLS!
Greg: Fine I’ll worship Zot or something
DM: IT’S HIS ARTIFACT THAT’S MISSING! Ok never mind, we’ll fix it later I want to FINISH this stupid introduction Finally for your courage, I have chosen the ranger, Aerimeh of the..Kebler..elves.. I’M DONE. I’m not playing with you guys if you can’t take this seriously.
Alan: We’re just kidding, those are fake sheets, we have our real sheets here
DM:….you know what, you have to use these characters. Good fucking luck.